Moon is back (now on Google Moon)

Hi Ghazal my Angel,

A month ago the same moon looked down to us, and for sure could not turn away its eyes from this spot on the Isar river banks, where we were sitting at the bone-fire the whole night through, whispering secrets, feeling the heat of the august sun that was stored in the pebbles on which we layed down. Since then, I call the Isar the Moon river, and every morning I pass the river on my way to the institute, I do a short stop there and slide a flat stone over its surface, as you have shown me to do.

Full Moon 24-09-2010

Full Moon 24-09-2010


Now we are a month older, it is already autumn down here, but up on the moon there are no seasons. Unlike our 24 hours day, every spot on the moon has a day as long as 15 days down here, followed by 15 nights in a row. Could you imagine, this would mean exchanging some mails and early night dialoges only ones in month, and then 360 hours long darkness.
Maybe you recognized that I could finally revert to you real name. I had to hide it for two month to protect your privacy from the nosy Google-machine, which somehow disclosed your real name and linked it to the blog. Therefore I used another pseudonym in the blog, which had only slight resemblence to “Ghazal”. It sounded similar, but looked quite different, and Google still does not recognize similarities by sound. But I”m sure, there soon will be a Google-Sound search machine, and this one will find out that “Azal”, the pseudonyme that I used for two month, sounds very similar to your real name “Ghazal”.

Are you o.k. ? Are you still studying so late at night ? Don”t miss your dreams, some actors therein might desperately wait for the main character, the blue-eyed persian cat.

Sleep well, Take Care

Michael

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hi michael,

I dont know if it was the picture of the moon you send in the evening, or my fear to meet some strange people in my dreams: either of the two did not let me sleep. but didn”t you once said that the full moon itself can also directly interfere with my emotions. maybe it is this what happend. finally, I went out for a walk over the fields behind the guesthouse, I think it was already 6.30 a.m. could see the moon, but not a house there ;-) . I did a photo of it, have a look. If you find a house on it, show it to me. Does it mean you”d like to send me to the moon to live there ?
Have a nice day (I may come a bit later to the lab today, hope thats alright).
Take Care, michael
/ghazal

PS: If you click on the photo, there is a nice song about the moon. I only know its by Pearl Jam, don”t know the title.
full-moon-guesthouse

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Hi Ghazal my Dear,

You came here on your angel journey half a year ago, arriving from somewhere far away. How could I ever send you back alone ? If, however you would suggest to take me with you somewhere in the universe, I would get my luggage ready today. A nice house on the moon could be a first step.
By the way, the moon is not only fascinating by its yet poorly understoud influence on females psyche but can make man equally crazy. Have a look at this alternative record of what the first astronauts said when they put their feets there.

Enjoy the day, recover from the sleepless night,
I”ll tell everybody you work on your thesis.

TaKe CaRe
Michael

Our short and precious life

Hi Ghazal, my Dear,

Don”t want to disturbe you, my Dear, I guess you are busy.
You said on our way to the guesthouse, that you were not satisfied with your results today, and that mine were looking better. This, Ghazal was a sheer chance event. What is important, that on the long run we are doing well together.
You are very self critical. You worked over weeks quietly and absolutely perfect, and now there was only a single day with some sub-optimal results, therefore you should not fall into despair.
It was perhaps a bad idea to do RNA extraction with the “dirty” method so late at night, long after you left the lab. Too bad, that I only gave you the written protocoll. Would be better to demonstrate you “life” how this works. Otherwise you might think that I perform some woo-doo methods.

Ghazal, you don”t have to kill me. I”ll die anyhow if you leave. I mean if you leave for ever. If we stay in contact, I will be o.k.

Do you have already a plan for the weekend ? I understand you have to work on the thesis. But not 24 hours over 2 days. Let me guide you somewhere to have a break, maybe we find a nice movie or just walk around a bit. I wont distract you from scientific writing a lot. But beeing together for one or two hours I think we both will enjoy.

I probably will fall asleep soon, I”m a bit tired.

But I think of you, as every evening,

Have a nice night with colourful dreams.

Michael

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Thanks for the long evening at KFC, my Angel.
I read the text you gave me and send you my comments tomorrow. Mike A. did not came to the lab.
The quantitative PCR did not worked. I have to do another night-shift. Maybe next week.
Till then I keep the odor of your hair and the tendernes of your shoulder in my memory.
Thanks for everything, for keeping me alive.

Michael

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hi michael,

thank you for correcting my thesis. if you want i can send you it on word? maybe its easier?
i think i want to stay home and study tomorrow. i feel better. we can talk about the project during the week.

hope u have had a good day.

/ghazal

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Ghazal, my Dear,

Yes, please send the text as word-doc.
I am very tired, I contact you tomorrow. We went to an air-show today, south of Munich. Something awfully happened there: two airplanes crashed and one of the pilots died. I was shocked. You feel so awful if you have to watch how somebody dies within a couple of seconds, and you can”t do anything to stop it. If you see something like this in a thriller-movie, you know that in fact it all happened in a film-studio, played by stunt-men who at the end stand up and get their money and go home. But if you see how a real person dies in front of your eyes, it shakes up everything you belief and you trust.
Suddenly you realize how precious our life is, and how short it can be.

Ghazal, my dear, don”t work to hard tonight, go to bed, sleep and relax.
Take Care
Michael

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hi michael,

this sounds really bad. and you saw this, must be very sad. sleep well. i send you the word-document. but dont work too hard with it. try to have a relaxing sunday.

take care

/ghazal

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Hi Ghazal my Dear,

I attache some additions to the results part (see attachement, new things in blue). I re-evaluated the genotype-phenotype relation. There was a mistake before. No it seems on D11Mit318 FVB has a dominant effect reducing uptake and on D13Mit78 JF1 has a dominant effect reducing uptake.

It”s a pitty you don”t wanna be disturbed today, not even for a walk to “air and fresh up your feather” a bit. Please write me some words at least, not just “Thanks”.
You know I don”t like this so much, I think that I am much more indept to you, honestly. I gained so much from your presence, you gave me something nobody else can give. In contrast, the scientific help and writing and correcting could have been done by anybody else. O.k., I have to admit I did it with much more passion, because I knew it is for your future. But in theory, any supervisor should have helped you like I did it. Therefor, if you say “Thank you for the text/work/data …” it too much reminds me that we are still bound by this professional relation, and this one will end soon (which is too bad, but what can I do).

My only hope is that you will do what you promised on Friday, and we will stay in contact (what does it mean “staying in contact”: I don”t know). I will see occasional words from you send by e-mail from Sweden, but I wont hear you voice any more or see your eyes or your smile. This will be hard for me.
Do you remember when I wrote you a mail from France “For Ghazal the scientist, and Ghazal the angel”
where I said that we all need something in addition to our scientific projects, that will give us joy and satisfaction when science temporarily is in a crisis. I said that you have your family, persian music and movies, and that I “have you” and books and guitar playing.
Now it appeares to me the other way around, because I will lose you, I have to compensate with my work, I probably will stay in the lab for 16 hours a day, because this blue-eyed, calm, wonderful girl, that during 20 years grew up from a baby on her parents arm to a gifted MSc student is not there any more to go out after work. There will only be this “army” of uniform co-workers, but nobody who “takes my breath away” as she did it.

At least, I will continue to think of you and will try to keep track of your well-beeing and your happiness, as I have done since 20 years.

TAKE CARE

(and in the future, Ghazal my Dear, be aware of elder men, and don”t put a spell on them with your eyes, as you did it on me during the lectures. Once they got caught by you as I got, by your smile and your vitality, your eyes and your hair and your magic walk and all the beauty that is still hidden and that one can only guess, then my Dear, you will have problems getting rid of them ).

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hi michael,

i don´t know what to say. you have been so kind to me from the first day. i will never forget you, your kindness and your passion. i will be your friend forever. i enjoyed our time together too but in my way. You see, we are in different phase of life, you are much more forward and i”m in the beginning, you know what you want in your life but I don´t know, I need to experience a lot of things in my life.

i am deeply sorry if i caused you some sorrow, it wasn”t my intention.
i wish that you understand me a little bit.

One thing is sure that you are my friend and I am going to keep in touch with you, if you want it too of course. Anyway you never know what is going to happen in the future, so chere up and dont lose your joy of life. always be happy as i have seen you always.
I will never forget you as I said before.

Have a very nice late evening. Dream sweet. see you tomorrow

Nocturnal dialog on molecular biology

8:32 p.m.

Ghazal my Dear,
Have a look at the gel. Are you happy with it ?
I promise I did not manipulate anything on it: no make-up, no hair dye, mascara, no plastic surgery. It is real, and therefore it is beautiful (just like you are).
M.
PS: RNA I”ll tell you in a moment. Stay tuned !!!!

ghazals-pcr-gel-late-night-15092010

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8:44 p.m.

thank you for the gel!!! very kind of you. still the prop1 exon2 JF1 show a lot of bands.and is a bit weak. and the first three bands being prop1 exon1, i see two bands for each sample? or is it the primer dimers? and on the last samples on the first row (being gpx3 exon1), i see many bands or is it good because of the thick band?
on the second row gpx3 exon3- some extra bands as well. or is it okay? so i can use this for the sequencing tomorrow?

i am looking forward to hear about the rna. this is exciting i have to admit!!!

good luck! i will try to look at my thesis now. so i do something useful as well.

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9:48 p.m.

Ghazal, my Dear

So happy to have brain RNA now (one JF1 one FVB, each high concentration).
So sad to sit here alone. Nobody to celebrate with. Its boring alone, even the results are o.k.
brain-rna

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9:54 p.m.

michael!!!! yey!!! looks really good! im happy too! you did a great job!! so are we going to kill more mice? and then do the extracation of RNA your way?

thank you michael, for putting so much time and energy for this project.

you should go home and get some rest.

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10:06 p.m.
Ghazal dear,

On 15.09.2010 21:54, Ghazal F wrote:
> michael!!!! yey!!! looks really good! im happy too! you did a great job!! so are we going to kill more mice?

I already have thyroids from two mice each strain. I start now with the extraction. Hope of equally good results. Lets see.

> and then do the extracation of RNA your way?

Its not my way. Its the classical way (it stinks, it is more time consuming, but you see at the end works more robust).

>
> thank you michael, for putting so much time and energy for this project.

Its our project. Don”t forget what you put in it: 5 month lonely life , the people you love so far away. Nobody here to kiss you before going to bed.

>
> you should go home and get some rest.

Where is this, home ?

Take Care, my dear (and don”t you walk around on empty streets in the darkness any more).
Ghazal, I got mad if I think that something happens to you. You remember you talked about Sweden and
that raping happens there more often. Thats in fact one of the main reasons I always got a shock when I hear or read that you are going back.

Michael

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10:56 p.m.

> I already have thyroids from two mice each strain. I start now with the
> extraction. Hope of equally good results. Lets see.
michael, we can continue tomorrow?
you are doing too much. i also want to be done with the labwork this week but dont want you to do all this and stay for so long in the lab.

> Where is this, home ?
your home, where your family is and your bed:)

> Take Care, my dear (and don”t you walk around on empty streets in the
> darkness any more). Ghazal, I got mad if I think that something happens to you. You remember
> you talked about Sweden and that raping happens there more often. Thats in fact one of the main
> reasons I always got a shock when I hear or read that you are going back.

i did not walk in the night,. it was light. i am scared to walk alone at night. and yes, i find munich as a safe place. safer than sweden. i need to walk sometimes, instead of taking bike i walk sometimes, its nice. nice feeling when you walk alone with your own thoughts.

hope u are doing well in lab and that u are going home soon…
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10:51 p.m.
On 15.09.2010 21:54, Ghazal F wrote:

> michael!!!! yey!!! looks really good! im happy too! you did a great job!! so are we going to kill more mice?
Who is going to kill mice ? You ? Maybe you first practise this on me. But be aware: You can kill me with your gun, but not the mice. If you hold a gun on me, I wont move away, cause I”ll be struck again by the glance of your eyes. Not so the mice: They can smell the danger and they run away !!

Ghazal, I got the feeling we can speak open to each other, can”t we ?

TAKE CARE

Michael
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10:58 p.m.
noooo i am not killing anyone.
yes we can talk open.. or how do you mean
——————————————————————————————————–
11:04 p.m.
Ghazal my Dear,
Just let me start the Reverse Transcription. (I do it in a PCR cycler, can be programmed to do it and after 1 hour cooles down automatically).
Then you have the cDNA tomorrow morning and can start with PCR right away.

On 15.09.2010 22:58, Ghazal F wrote:
> noooo i am not killing anyone.
> yes we can talk open.. or how do you mean

I”ll come around and tell you.

——————————————————————————————————–
11:09 p.m.
come around? i will sleep now also my flatmate is sleeping. so see you tomorrow. thank you again for the cdna!!!!
——————————————————————————————————–
11:24 p.m.

On 15.09.2010 23:09, Ghazal F wrotei:
> come around? i will sleep now also my flatmate is sleeping.
I”m not going to wake up your flatmate !!
And you said you are going to work on your thesis the whole night through ?
Did the thesis made you already such tired ?

> so see you tomorrow. thank you again for the cdna!!!!
This, of course was very, very open !!!
And this is what I like you for so much.

Then good night, funny dreams, and at least you can imagine that I kissed you before going to bed.

Take Care

Michael
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0:00 a.m.
Ghazal my dear,
Are you really already asleep ? This was a fast thesis writing !!
Hope I haven”t scared you.

Sleep well
Michael
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0:04 a.m.
was trying to sleep. when i saw your email of what you expected of me, to write the thesis, i couldnt sleep. will try to read a bit more now…

good night
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0:11 a.m.

Ghazal my Dear, please no no, shame on me, I didn”t ment it.
You do everything right. The night is yours. You work the whole day already. Please stop to spoil the best hours of the day with the thesis now. Sleep, please.
I”m also almost done. Don”t worry, I won”t pass by. Maybe another time, not today. It would be silly to first drive away, just to come back later.

I like you anyhow. I will always do.

Michael
——————————————————————————————————–
0:20 a.m.
if you get hungry i have a sandwich in the fridge.
hope u will be done soon so u can go home..

good night

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0:44 a.m.
Ghazal my Dear,

Sorry for the assumption that you could kill me. Your last e-mail shows how much you care about me.
I found one sandwich. Hope it is the one that you offered: It is brownish, with sliced boiled eggs on it and some letuce, right.

Please tell me it is the right one, it looks delicious.

Something I hope you are delighted (just for your intellectual satisfaction) is the next RNAs: You see they are all above 1µg and ration around 1.8.

thyroid-brain-rna

If you can”t love him, shot him !

Ghazal my Dear,

Tonight I have something very unusual to tell you. It is so unusual, because it is something commercial, about shopping and beeing happy to have found something very useful.

I know you got excited now, don”t you ?
You can”t stop reading any more, right ?
You wan”t to know what it is, don”t you ?

(You are really sweet !!)

But be aware: it again has something to do with you and me !! (just a little material and technical aspekt in addition to all the happiness that you brought to me by your shear presence).

It is about the little Smartphone-Adapter-Plug that somehow broke
(Could be that it broke because you poked and bended and cut it, since you thought it is a piece of your fingernail ?) It is not so important, how it broke and why, it is just the adapter, its wasn”t the Smartphone”s heart that broke, I know you wouldn”t be able to do this, you are too much an angel to break hearts.

Well, I searched this special Hewlett Packard Smartphone shop today and guess what:
I found the adapter (same colour: black, as you prefer for men. No pink. If there would be a pink one, I would have bought both of them: one for me and a pink one for you in case you need the GPS again).

And what is so amazing (and for this I have to be grateful to you, since I would have never found this):
This little adapter thing comes together with a SOLAR ENERGY RECHARGER !!!!
This means, I can not only mount the Smartphone to the car again, but now I can recharge it in the sun !!!

It will always remind me of this summer 2010, which in my memories will always remain as the most sunniest summer ever.
Although the nights in the moon-light and under the meteor showers and the stars were amazing as well. Who knows, maybe the light of the stars and of the moon is sufficient to recharge the phone with this little crazy adaptor.

Ghazal, my dear, tell me what you need to recharge your life battery !
You are always so calm, sometimes I”d like to make you explode, to beat me in the face, to shout on me, to see you holding a gun on me (of course only with bullets that hurt, but don”t kill), only to see that you are full of energy.

But this probably would change everything, you would not be you anymore, and for me the illusion, that you are the grown up daughter of the persian family that I met 20 years ago in Berlin would fall down in pieces.

Are you o.k., happy (I know, its hard to tell. One always could imagine beeing a little bit happier).
I permanently feel guilty, sometimes feel as if I have taken you as hostage here in Munich, keeping you in this single room in the guesthouse like a nun in an eremitage.
I only feed you with words, but they can not get rid of your loneliness.
At least I should have given you a cat, such one as Holli Golightly had in “Breakfast at Tiffany”s”. It could lean on you in the evening, and purr if you crawl its fur. It would jump on you lap, when you watch a movie or listen to some music.

Wish you a pleasant night, funny dreams, sleep well

Michael
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michael,

im glad you found a better adapter for your phone! didnt know that such thing exsist, an adapter that charges the phone with sun. interesting. :)

haha i dont want to hold a gun against you and shoot, i will stay calm.think it is better. dont think my mum thinks im calm at home.

dont worry about me. i enjoy unterschleissheim. the guesthouse. i feel so relaxed and calm when i am here. and i am so happy with everything.
cats are cute, but only when they are babies.

see you tomorrow

/ghazal

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See you tomorrow, my Dear.
Thanks to confirm that you enjoy and relax. Even if you would have told me this already a million times: I”d like to hear it once again !

Sleep well, dream something happy.

Michael

PS: Ghazal, my Dear, Can you imagine the head-lines in the newspaper:
“MSc student shoots down its supervisor”. This would make us sooooo famous.

daily-news

Anyway, have a sweet night, but this time I think I have to take care :-}

A lost key

Hi Ghazal, my Dear,

Did you had a nice day today with Shava ? Please give her my best regards and thanks for the nice evening. If you like, we could meet tomorrow at the Park-Cafe Beergarden (near Karlsplatz). I”ll be there anyhow. If you come, I will have a surprise for both of you. It will be an event I”m sure both of you will enjoy. But it stays a secret.
I hope this makes you so courious that you decide to come along.

Ghazal, you are just wunderful. The city will look very bleak if you leave. Don”t you understand that yesterday evenings illumination around Koenigsplatz was installed only to set you in the right light ?

Send me a message, please.

Take Care Michael
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hi michael,

yes we had a nice day.
i dont think that we will come to the beergarden. but it was very kind of you to ask. think we will be tired in the morning.

but have a nice day tomorrow at the beergarden and tell me about the event later.

have a good night

/ghazal

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Hi Ghazal, Thanks for the message.

I have to accept that you want to relax tomorrow. The alternative event would be the horse-racing tomorrow, which you both might enjoy. And I also wanted to compensate for the invitation to the restaurant yesterday (I dont feel comfortable that Shafa paid for everything herself).
Just in case you change your mind, and want to go to the hippodrome: the first race starts at 1.30 p.m. You can write a mail or SMS any time, and we meet there.

Otherwise, see you on Monday. Please say again thanks to Shafa for the nice evening. She is really a funny person.

Have a good night, sleep well, dream something you always wished to dream about.

Take Care Michael

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hi michael,

hope you are having fun at the beergarten.

yesterday we found a key in the car. could it be yours?

take care

/ghazal

……………………………………………………………………………………

Hi Ghazal my Dear,

I was at the beergarden, but only for an hour. The jazz-music was a bit disappointing. I think that it was just too early for the musicians. They usually get really good only late at night. I once saw them in a jazz-club, but this was around midnight, and they played amazing.
Today, 10 o”clock in the morning was obviously too ealy for them, was against their natural bio-rhythm. Therefore I think that you did not missed a lot. But I missed you, of course.

You said you found a key in the car. Is it a single one, or a whole bunch ? I don”t miss my bunch of keys.
If it is a single key only: It might be the key to your heart, Ghazal !! Than give it to me, please. I”d like to see if it fits. I was looking for this one since a long time. Would be so nice to find it at the end. Don”t give it away, and don”t give it to somebody else, please. Just make a picture of it and send it to me by mail.

TAKE CARE

Michael

From Cannes to London

Ghazal my Dear,

I was so happy reading your e-mail. Don”t worry about the strange PCR results, we will sort this out next week when I am back. This happens occasionally to everyone, it is not your fault Ghazal, you are working perfect, I know this.
At the moment it is more important to work on the thesis bit by bid. Just try to stay involved in the whole matter mentally.
Don”t worry about me, it is o.k. over here. We visited my wifes aunt today. It was very interesting, she left russia about 25 years ago to live in France, she is a painter and mentally still a very young person. She does not take life easy, she regrets a lot that she never had children and she thinks a lot about life and what is her role. With her you could clearly feel that she did not regret anything she did, but a lot things that she missed.

Ghazal, my dear, did you had time to watch the “Breakfast at Tiffany”s” movie ? If not, would be nice if we can see it together. You know what is very strange :
I promise I have not thought about it before, but the title song of it, “Moon River” for me is an allegory of the Isar river under the moon light, as we have seen it last week. It must have been somehow underconscious that we talked about the movie and that your parents liked it so much before we went to the river to watch the moon.

And what also was a funny co-incidence: that we recently listened to Edit Piafs song “Non, je ne regrette rien” and both found that apart from the great melody it has also a strong message. And only now I red that this very song was also a central element in the movie Inception (may be you remember, it always was the signal to wake up from the dreams). And by the way, the actress that played in Inception on Leonardo di Caprio”s side was Marion Cotillard, who played Edit Piaf in the Oscar-prize movie “La Vie en Rose“. Hopefully, we will find a opportunity to watch the movie. I think you will like it.

I wish you a nice time in London, relax and recover and enjoy the vivid city. Will you take with you the shirt that I gave you ? I think it would suit you very much, they might take you as a french girl visiting London. I rcommend you going to Camden market on Saturday. It is a big bazar of all funny fashion stuff and strange objects. I have not been there for years, very much would like to see the city again. Maybe I really come there to meet you after the exam.

Ghazal my Dear, it is already pretty late, and I guess you are asleep since hours. Anyhow, for the remaining night I wish you relaxing dreams and a happy morning.

TAKE CARE

Michael

PS: If you can, please write me some words from London.
……………………………………………………………………………………

Hi Ghazal, my Dear,

Did you arrived well in London ? I hope you enjoy every moment and have a good time. How is the value of the British Pound these days? Half a year ago it was almost equal to the Euro, but now I read it is rising again.

If you are looking for a spot where to rest for a while and recover and hear some music free-of-charge, try the Royal Festival Hall at the Southbank Centre. You get there from Charing Cross (or Embankment) Station, which is quite central. From there you take a pedestrian bridge over the river Thames, that brings you right to the big Southbank Centre. It is very relaxed there, plenty of space to escape bad weather, music, exhibitions, usually everything fro free.
But as much as I know you, you prefer to visit Harod”s, Selfridges, Harvey Nichols and the like every minute you have there.

Hope everything is o.k. over there.

Hope to see you soon, my Dear. I miss you, but this you know already.

Michael

Non, je ne regrette rien

Ghazal my Dear,

Do you think my french is o.k. for a week ? “Au Revoir”, please tell me what it means. Is it like the german “Auf Wiedersehen” or like the english “Farewell” ? You probably know, cause you are the expert !

And of course I also like “Je ne regrette rien”.

I doubt that the Cote de Azur will be as nice as the Isar-River banks with you in the Moon-Light.

TAKE CARE, my Dear

Michael
……………………………………………………………………………………
hi michael,

yes, au revoir means Auf wiedersehen. hope you will have a great time there. and that the weather is good. good that you were able to save everything from your computer. even though 99% of it is useless. but it is good to save them maybe?

you still write on the blog? or just putting the emails there?

i want to continue with my thesis now. hope i will get something done.

yes i sometimes wonder, where my scientific carrier will lead.. how far will i get. and if i will continue as a scientist all my life..i hope so..but who knows.

take care

/ghazal
…………………………………………………………………………………..

Ghazal my Dear,

we made a stop in Italy in a small town called San Giovanni.
Very tired. Hope you are o.k. and had a good day.

Have a quiet night a sleep well.

TAKE CARE
Michael
…………………………………………………………………………………..

Hello Ghazal,

Hope you are doing well, hope everything is fine at work. I guess you are quite busy doing and analyzing the new sequences together with C.
I put two short chapters on Iodine and childhood thyroid cancer on your desk (Friday night,before I left). They are from the 2005 BEIR report (this is the commission on “Biological Effects of Ionizing Radiation” of the US National Research Council). Therefore, this is very condensed but high quality information. I am currently writing something for you about the synteny analysis of mouse and human genome (what I showed you last week, how the mouse loci correspond to the human ones for the FNMTC susceptibility).

Ghazal,my Dear, stay strong, send me something if you think I can help or contribute.

Michael
……………………………………………………………………………………

Hi michael,

yes i miss my home, and famliy so so so much. cant believe i have been away for so long. yes when we do something fun then i forget about that for a while. but its not much left. i will be home soon.

its is sooo empty here. i havent seen c. and o. is sick so she is not here. so i could not get any RNA. i have started with the sequencing of the last gene (prop1). the other gene (gpx3) is already done, but we forgot to take it to the GAC. So I will hopefully take them both to GAC with claudia when she arrives this week.
The genotyping for the new-DNA is on the gel-electrophoresis. so if I get good pictures of it I should be done with the genotyping.
only remains the quantitative analysis (which I will wait to do next week when you are back right?)
and the qualitative which you already gave me the protocol for. But there is a question, why do I use the Balb/c and CBA embryo cDNA? shouldnt i use cDNA from the thyroid of JF1 and FVB?

then the writing. i have been writing. the part of genetic mapping, chi2-test and QTL, selection of the markers and the sensitivity of the mice that you wrote for me, should I change that? Or i can leave it as it is and find good references for them?

sorry for all the questions. but need to know..

soooo bad that its not nice there. i thought it is nice over there, near canne. well, its an experience as well. so try to have fun! so you cant reach the sea at all? no beach?

take care
/Ghazal
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hi michael,

he came at last, T. he wanted a print out of my thesis. but i said that its messy right now and so. so he just sat by the computer and we went through it. i think he liked it. but he told me to write about hyperthyroidism, and not only about cancer. he said a bit about marshall islands. that they really could not see any higher thyroid cancer among children because of the lack of time, that they were not allowed to continue. but they saw that children had higher risk. and there was a lot of radioiodine there.
anyway.. he asked about my project in sweden.. he did not seem interested. he said this project is better for me. genetics is better. but i want to go back and have good project. dont know why UV is not interesting.

well. have a good time.

and take care
/Ghazal
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Ghazal my Dear,

Thanks a lot for writing, it is good for me to read that you are doing well. It makes me the time away from Munich a little bit easier.
I attache a little bit text and a figure to explaine the concept of synteny analysis (relation between the mouse loci you found by QTL mapping and possible human loci that have to do with thyroid disease susceptibility).

Here the answers to your questions:
1: The qualitative analysis of the candidate gene trasncripts: “…..why do I use the Balb/c and CBA embryo cDNA? shouldnt i use cDNA from the thyroid of JF1 and FVB?”
Yes, of course, at the end you have to do the experiment on the FVB and JF1 thyroid cDNA. The embryo BALB and CBA was just to establish the assay (to check, of the two cDNA primers with the PCR conditions give the expected specific PCR product.

2: “….then the writing. i have been writing. the part of genetic mapping, chi2-test and QTL, selection of the markers and the sensitivity of the mice that you wrote for me, should I change that? Or i can leave it as it is and find good references for them? ”
I would not take the text modules from me without any modifications. They should just give you an idea what should be the content and how much is neccessary. But I advice you to express it with your own words. It is much better for you also to learn and fully understand the stuff for the waiver in October.

Is it right that there is frost in germany ? Somebody from the hotel told me it is snowing. Unbelieveable, isn”t it. This makes me even more happy that always when we went out together in Munich, it was always nice and sunny (if the sun wasn”t shining, than the stars were out or the moon). I hope the september will be like this.

Ghazal, my Dear, I”ll write something in the evening, first wanted to send you the stuff for the thesis in case you are still at work.

TAKE CARE

Michael

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Hi Ghazal my Dear,

No, it is probably not right to say that it”s not nice hear. I”m just not in the mood at the moment to enjoy the Cote d”Azur.
The thing is, that how much one likes a city or a place depends so much on its personal situation. If one feels o.k. and happy,
than even the smallest hotel in the a dirty village might seem like heaven. And in contrast, if one does not feel comfortable, than even paradise island can be a nightmare.
In fact, I only came here to ensure my family some happy holidays, because my wife wished for a long time to visit her relatives and my son needs some relaxing days before school starts again.
For myself, however, it is not really relaxing. But as I said, it has mainly to do with me not wishing to leave munich right now, than with the place here.
The few details here that I criticised (the beach that can be reached only by passing a railway-line and a motorway or the heavy traffic around the hotel) are perhaps realy minor things. I usually would not notice them at all.
But in fact, I am comparing everything with the marvellous time you and me spend together sitting on the Isar river-side. This was for me like heaven on earth, like many other days I had the pleasure to discover with you some places in and around munich.
I recall these moments as if my eyes opened into a completely new world, or as if the world that I have known before was shining in a different light, maybe in a different wavelength as before, or just clearer and with more details.
I think I probably would have not noticed a single meteor this year if you would not have come to munich, because I usually forget the date in August. This year was completely different, I was waiting for the 12th of august impatiently, because I knew that perhaps it wont happen again (and perhaps has never happened to anybody before me) that you are waiting to spot “falling stars” in the company of an angel that has also fallen down from heaven to earth (just a couple of month earlier).

Ghazal, it might be that you laugh on me (and perhaps others who hear about this would also be very confused or amused), but I never thought before that at the end of the 4th decade of life I can be completely shaken up emotionally by a MSc student, who is in fact shy and calm and keeps a lot of mysteries hidden.

I hope I have not confused you too much, but as Edith Piaf has expressed it “Non, je ne regrette rien”. But there is also the danger, that one never in life tries something risky and new and potentially revolutionary, if one always says “not doing anything I might later regrett”. I am absolutely confident that I did right and will always do right trying to seduce you and to be more than just the supervisor. It could have been also very painful for me, you might have complaint at Prof. T. or at the personal department or at UCL about me, but I would not care about this. For me everthing was allright as it was and as it is, it was marvellous and it makes me happy.

Ghazal, my Dear, I hope you are relaxed these days, you sleep quiet and have nice dreams.
I miss you.

Take Care

Michael

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hi michael!!!

how are you?? try to enjooooy, i didnt want to make you feel like this. that you dont enjoy france and just want to come back to munich. what are you up to over there?
i would not complain to T. or anyone. i am enjoying my time here. and you have showed me alot of munich and helped me so much and made time and my project more fun.

im not happy right now! nothing seems to work in the lab:( this whole week i have tried and tried to do pcrs for different things. its just strange results. so i feel bad about it.. but will try again tomorrow.

i am going to london tomorrow night. when i come back my fathers wife will come and stay with me for a couple of days.

take care michael

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For Ghazal, the Scientist and for Ghazal, the Angel

Ghazal my Dear,

Are you still awake ? Do you have another conflict with some insects ?
I”ll drive by the guesthouse, and if there is still light behind your window, I call from downstairs. If not, I”ll go back.

M.
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Ghazal my Dear,

I whished we could stay there sitting and chatting untill the moon disappears in the morning. O.k., the following day in the lab would be a bit sleepy and dizzy,
but I would be happy. You see you experienced your first night out there in the wild, and no spiders, no bat no vampires or rapists. The world is sometimes much more comfortable and fazinating and lovely than our fears tell us.

Your hair has a tantalising smell. It was most difficult for me to tear away from it.

Have a good night, sleep well, dream about a journey to the moon, but my usuall plea: Please come back.

I like you so much, Ghazal for you stating “I don”t regret anything”. If you are still awake, listen please to Edit Piaf.

TAKE CARE

MichaelThe night I can"t remember is the night I can"t forget
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Ghazal my Dear, now I try for the third time to write you a mail. Two hours ago, the Helmholtz mail server died, than I started to write the same mail on my privat mail-server, which suddenly also kicked me out and I lost 2 pages of text for you.Therefore, I now send you something short:I had this awfull job in the afternoon and evening to recover all personal date from my broken PC. These data were manuscripts, reports, science reviews, sequences, protocolls, gel-images, fotos of tumor and millions of other stuff I collected from my work during the last 12 years. And what I realized at the end: 99% of it is useless and wont be interesting for anybody any more. Isn”t this frustrating, how much we work what later got lost or what we later don”t want to read any more our self? In contrast to this, each time I read the text of the Persian-Cat blog, it makes me happy and excited and satisfied. As compared to all the million files on my computer disk, the Persian Cat blog is so samll in size. But every word, every sentence is great, is relevant, as meaningful. And it will always be like this, I think not only you and me will always like to read this record of a wonderful summer and this funny exhange of thoughts between the two of us. I guess if other people read this, either now or 100 years later, they also will considers this great and important and simply human. Don”t worry, Ghazal, about what I wrote above regarding that work in science, and that it can sometimes appear useless to us. It is just a temporal feeling, and we all live in science for the very few moments when we make a great discovery and are Nobel-award candidates.You are still at the very beginning of your career, and I will do everything to encourage you to carry on. Because scientist can be one of the most satisfying and exciting jobs. But there always might be moments of frustration, and for these it is good if you have other areas of your soul that do not depend so much on how the gouvernment or the society or the boss or your colleagues judge your work, but a field that gives you power and satisfaction by itself. You have your beloved family, your movies and persian music, that will always help you to keep the head above. I “have” you, who just with a few words and a smile can compensate for a lot of hussle here at work (and of course I have other things, like music and books, that also help me to stay alive).What else shall I say?
Be strong, stay as lovely as you are, enjoy every day and every night and meet me at your deams.

Michael

Random Walk Model of two lovers

We were both on a random walk in time and space, since I saw you on the arms of your parents 21 years ago. The probability of a second encounter within the life-time of the universe would have been zero, thats for sure, but only if we assume that no attracting force exists between us..

These were the nights, my friend

Die Nächte sind das Thema, das uns nicht los lässt. Wir fabulieren über Schlafpositionen und Melatonin und Traumphasen und REM, wir treiben uns herum bis die Sperrstunde Dich ins Gästehaus zurück ruft. Wir versuchen, den Verlockungen und der Gefahr der Nacht davon zu laufen, in dem wir den Abschied möglichst weit hinaus schieben.
Der Abschied dann, in der halben Nacht ist immer ein Ringen, dann fürchten wir uns vor unseren eigenen Gefühlen und versuchen statt dessen, den Zweifeln des anderen zuvor zu kommen. Wir wissen doch, dass der anderen zweifelt, solange er den anderen für zweifelnd hält und so weiter und so weiter in einer endlosen Abfolge von gegenseitigen Gedankenspielen, die immer wieder auf sich selber bezogen sind so wie die Bilder in zwei sich gegenüber stehenden Spiegeln. Wir fürchten uns vor einer gemeinsamen Nacht, doch wir sehnen uns gleichzeitig nach dieser. Statt dessen beginnen wir jede Nacht eine Zwiesprache über e-mail, schicken uns Versicherungen dass wir an den anderen denken .

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