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Don”t look back in anger

Hi Ghazal, my Dear,

I hope so much that all the stress you had during the last weeks vanished now, and that you can just recover and sleep. I could feel with you how it is to have in one week two talks to give on a new subject in a new environment. You were hard fighting, Ghazal, I have to admit. I imagine myself in this situation, I would have lost my voice already after the first minute.
I think it was somehow not fair, that the Post-Docs and Senior Scientist were all just sitting there laid back and wanted to become entertained by the students. Thats not right, I have to admit. They should have also some tasks to fullfill, just for the purpose of justice and for the students to have something to laugh as well. I think I tried my best, same as you did.

Btw, my wife just called and threatened that she will set our house on fire if I don”t appeare there tonight. So what shall I do ? I don”t want to, but I have to go home. I will pass along the lake I have shown you from up the Olympic-Tower to swim a bid.

I think of you, Ghazal. Write me some sentences (if you are not sleeping yet).

Take Care, my Dear

Michael
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hi michael,

yes i feel so good now that it is over. im so happy. it was a bit stressfull. no you would manage things perfectly fine if you were in my situation.i think you talk was good! yes a bit unfair but its okay, they will maybe do it next time.

okay, that is good, that you are going back home tonight. maybe you can solve things at home. its important.
hope that you had a good time at the lake.

good night!!
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Ghazal , my Dear,

Did you arrived well in U-Schleissheim ? What are you doing now ? Poor Ghazal, no Pecha-Kucha Talk any more fill your evening hours, no Seminar any more to worry about. So how do you fill your evening hours ? O.k. yesterday I could imagine and accept that you had a big sleep deficiency to compensate. Did you had good or bad dreams last night ? Poor Ghazal, I remember the days when I had an important exam to pass or a talk to give or the like. You got nervous many weeks before, you think you sacrifice all your free time and your life energy for this. And then ? Then its done, than its over, and the idiots give the award to Mary (o.k. it was an act of diligence, but it was virtually just a report about a single book she red). How can they compare it to what you did ? You prepared a talk about a new subject, a subject for which you had to learn new theories and read a lot.
Ghazal, you have been my favorite yesterday (independent off all other feelings I have for you). Olena, I would say was also very ambigious. She had her own very original idea. She had something new to say, something she developed herself.
So for me, the proper ranking would be :

place 1 -3 : Ghazal, Olena, Michael

long, long, long gap:

Sissi (I talk about my hobby)
Lucia (I talk about my country)
Avinash (I talk about my job)
Ilaria (I talk about my religion)
Dominik (I talk about my project)
Mary (I talk about the book I red)

Don”t you think I”m right ? Maybe I”m to strict, but I very often think that the world around myself is doing stupid decisions and rankings. I was very proud of you when I realized you had the courage not to talk a second time about iranian new years eve. Ghazal, we are scientist, we should show that we take a challenge. We are pioneers, we should leave that established road.

It”s too bad that I cannot convince you to stay in Munich, either to do an ambigious PhD project or to live with me, or both, but independent from each other.
I think in general it would be much easer to separate the function of a friend and a supervisor. Now I have to separate it by the clock (9 – 5: supervisor, 5pm – 12 pm friend). Its is not that easy.

If you think I cause trouble to your live, please tell me. You know I always try to be open. I understand it is perhaps easy for me. You said last week at my post-midnight visit to you that you only see me, cause you cannot risk your project. This was very shocking for me, I have to admit, but it was o.k. that you have been so honest. I”m constantly trying to understand what you feel and what is your motivation and what you dream of.

Maybe you don”t believe me, but I really find it exciting to talk to you and to hear your points and your ideas which are sometimes funny and very often surprising. In particular I”m excited how easily you can challenge my established ideas. Thats the reason I talk too much, I always hope that you interrupt me and say “Stop here, what a freaky theory you are just trying to tell me!”. Thats why I wrote this blog, it is not intended for the entire world to read, but in the first instance for you. If you insist, I can protect it with a password for you.

As every night I think of you and wish you a relaxing end-of-the-day and an angel who takes care of you.

Michael
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hi michael,

yes i arrived well. i am fiiiinee michael. im so happy that the pecha kucha is over and i do everything that i did not have time with before. went to the supermarket, i did my laundry for example. i talk to my mum more. i just have fun. dont worry. i have been looking at hotels and so on. there is a lot to do.

everyone did a good job michael, i did not talk about midsummer las time. i talked about persian new years. but u are right, swedish midsummer would have been much easier to do than what i did, sleep. well i learnt alot about sleep. thats the point. i wasnt looking for a price seriously.

im sorry you are having a hard time separating supervisor and being friends. so it is a good thing that i will leave munich. u will have less problems. i am happy that i am going back home. to sweden. but i really enjoy munich at the moment. i like unterschleissheim.. all the places ive seen in munich have been nice.. the lab i like, the people are so nice.. so im having a good time. a nice summer. a lot thanks to you i think, u showed me munich and you help me in the lab.

michael, once again. i see you as my kind supervisor and a friend. i hope u see it this way too and nothing more. otherwise we cant be friends.

have a good night and nice dreams.

/ghazal

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