How could we ever understand each other ?

Platon wrote that a man and woman who really love each other are like two halfs of an apple, which were cut apart but only together form an ideal entirety again. What a nice, typical Platonian view of an ideal world, and clearly related to his obsession with ideal forms.

At least in our knowledge about relationships we made some progress since the ancient Greek philosopher wrote down his ideas, and we now consider that a mutual understanding is crucial for a lasting and prospering relationship. But I am wondering how mutual understanding is possible, if the main issue of a relationship between men and woman remains enigmatic to both sides:  A man will never understand why his girl fell in love with him, and vice versa can the girl never understand why the boy she loves so much wanted her.

Because the man in general loves the feminine features, and the girl loves masculine characters, so neither of both can really understand the emotions which drive the others side. It is like in game theory, where one player can only guess what are the intentions of the other player. In game theory each player tries to maximize its profit, without taking into account the opponents losses or gains. That seems to work quite well, if the game is a finite one and we have a fixed date to count our profit.

In privat relationships, however, the ideal is still the eternal love, so we have to find a way to really understand our partners emotions. Thats a funny thing: I still don’t really know why my wife loves me so much. I don’t have shiny, long hair, I don’t have nice long legs, I don’t have a soft voice, and I don’t have full, fruity lips, and I don’t have long eye-lashes and bowed eye-brows. So what the hell she finds in me ?

In theory, if mutual understanding is the key for a stable relationship, in fact two gay or lesbian lovers would have the best chances to live together in a long-lasting harmony. They can understand each other perfectly, because they share the same feelings towards others. If to gays watch a handsome man, they both feel equally attracted, what could rarely happen to a heterosexual couple.

But somehow, this theory is not reality-proven. In reality, gay or lesbian relationships exhibit anything else than a long duration. So common desire and shared taste not neccessarily guarantee a long-lasting and prospering relationship. It is more likely that a mutual interest, driven by couriosity into a very different personality is a much stronger glue for two people than the apodictic certainty that the two knows everything from each other, and nothing remains secret or enigmatic.

Don’t we say “crazy for love”, and does not this implies that one loves much more what on sees as crazy, but not as logical (according to its own standards) ?

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